To give a reference glossary of terms commonly used in the general orbit of the CCI.
To give some pointers to further enquiry to those who are developing their skills after a course finishes.
Co-Co is not all about chewing the carpet for hours in a regressed state of introspection, and I am hoping to lighten up, if not enlighten.
This does not seek to be a manual of CoCo practice, and is definitely not a general summary of Coco for non-co-counsellors. It is my idiosyncratic, sometimes serious and sometimes humorous view, and should not be taken as any kind of received CCI wisdom. For there is no such thing.
Accreditation.
The process by which someone marks a transition. New co- cos are accredited into the local community at the end of a Fundamentals either by a process of Self and Peer Assessment or personal accreditation by the teacher. Becoming a teacher may or may not include going through a specific process of teacher accreditation, which is usually done by a community using its own model or that negotiated with the accreditee. Anyone can teach, and there are books (for example "Teach it Yourself" by Sue Quilliam & Ian Grove - Stevenson (Phoenix) which can help any co-co to teach one other person who wishes to learn. The teaching of Fundamentals classes does bring in the dimension of group facilitation, which those not familiar and/or trained would probably find even more challenging than those who are!
Acting Into.
The idea is that if as a client I sense that there is some emotion which I am blocking or not discharging in my session I can get in touch with it by acting as if I am. This "pretence" (which I imagine is the root of the objection of most new co-cos) can often unlock the mechanism, and full discharge can result. It's not always the acted into feelings which emerge: I can be surprised by what comes up! As counsellor, given a contract which permits this, I can on a hunch suggest, for example, that a client thumps a cushion when I sense that there is some unexpressed anger around. With an experienced client, this can often be no more intrusive than reaching for a cushion and moving it towards them.
Addictions.
Patterns. Modes of behaviour which are compulsive, which I believe to be beyond my control; ways of being or things I do to myself which become part of "me" so that I feel that I cannot give them up. The word is normally used to refer to those patterns which depend on external agents (eg drugs), although the word is occasionally used in coco gatherings as a general term for a chronic pattern. I'm noticing more CoCos becoming interested in Codependency - type models derived from addiction work.
Advice.
Always a no-go area. Clients are the world experts on themselves. When I am counselling, I see part of my job as being aware of that part of the client which has the intelligence to offer internal "advice". This may be the client's child, for example, which may need some encouragement to "speak up".
Affirmation.
Sometimes used as synonymous with validation. To confirm approvingly something about myself or another. To state clearly and with conviction.
Agent of Oppression.
The field of oppression is one which RC has developed extensively, and this term is now being discussed in CCI literature. The idea is that oppression has agents and targets, and by oppressing I am often acting out the pattern of oppression, rather than consciously making a decision to put someone down. A can of worms. Some maintain that I as a male should not, for example, counsel a female when she is working on material which could cast me in an oppressor role (which is probably practically anything to do with gender issues, for example). (And even if she wants me to, because she would then be internalising the target role.) See "Oppression"
Alcohol.
Counter-culture. The "edge" of the debate is about whether it should be used at all, and if so how long before a session. The general drift at the moment seems to be that 24 hours before is a reasonable compromise. The autonomy clause is the best bet in this uncharted sea. I can ask any prospective counsellor any questions I like as to their preferred recreations, and decide on the answers or lack of them whether I wish to proceed further.
Appreciation.
My judgement: what I like about you, your actions, your effect on me.
" Poster: A piece of paper on which I write those things I like about you.
Assertiveness.
Anne Dickson was both one of the founders of the CCI and a pioneer of assertiveness training. Assertiveness overlaps with Co-Co to a large extent in its view of human dignity and autonomy, and a Fundamentals course can be seen as assertiveness training with knobs on, although we do not teach specific interpersonal skills.
Attention.
Autonomy.
One of the ground rules. It means that I am fully responsible for me: no-one looks after me or acts on my behalf. I have free choice at all times, and its implication is that I try to be aware of those times when I feel compelled to limit another's autonomy. This can take many forms, including rescuing (when I feel that someone needs to be looked after by me) or by more overt and aggressive forms of interference.
Avoidance.
Awareness.
Something aimed for as counsellor (of internal process, attention state, etc) and as client (of balance of attention, insights, etc.)
Balance of attention - See Attention
Beliefs.
States of mind which exist at many levels, some of which are essential for our survival (eg if I jump out of this fifth floor window I will be hurt) and some of which are not (eg I will never succeed at X so I might as well not try). Sorting out the relative benefits of holding onto this vast array of what might be termed our internal rules is grist to the coco mill.
Block.
For some reason I can't think of anything to say about this one. And if I could, I would probably make reference to my blocks in everyday life, and the way I can work on them in a session (eg why is it that I sometimes get annoyed, yet shut-down and passive, when someone makes a gratuitously racist comment in my hearing?) or to those times in a session when I sense that there is some discharge waiting to happen but something (ie me) is holding it back. The attention of a totally permissive and loving counsellor can help me in the second case. I like the model which Michele Bosc showed me, of the "four-tower prison", comprising restricted sound, breathing, movement and thought with which I block myself.
Bodywork.
What happens in the mind is reflected in the physical body, and vice versa. Doing things to the body (eg stroking, pressing, breathing differently, adopting a posture) can "bring up" feelings in the mind which can be worked on, or just enjoyed. Various schools of bodywork, eg Reichian, bioenergetics, have evolved as therapeutic techniques, and exercises from these and other traditions can be used as a client wishes.
Boredom.
The "lightest" form of distress, discharged by light animated talking. Other traditions (see, eg Janov) maintain that boredom is a deep core state which is not near the "top of the pile". Could it be depression in disguise?
Boundaries.
A complex conceptual array, mainly about how I decide (choose) my limits about what I do or how far I am prepared to go, or how a group does that. My boundaries can also be unconscious, related to belief states, and I can set out to discover more about them by pushing them and discovering what is beyond. I can also negotiate with other(s) about my boundaries in a particular setting: a contract for a session is a simple example. Sexuality and intimacy are areas of my life where boundaries play an important role, and the context of coco is one in which I can openly negotiate them, rather than relying on my patterns and those of society.
Breathing.
A competent counsellor will be aware of changes in breathing rate and depth in a client. Sometimes a client will stop breathing, which can indicate that discharge is being inhibited. The intervention "keep breathing" is popular, often giving rise to a sigh which can be amplified, or sometimes anger discharge. Even short periods of hyperventilation (deep/rapid breathing) can have powerful effects, and should be handled with due care.
Button pushing.
A form of restimulation. What happens when one of my sensitive areas is prodded, sometimes intentionally by a person who has a knack (can be irritating), sometimes by a totally innocent outside event (possibly debilitating). If I am at the mercy of my patterns I will regard the reaction as inevitable.
Caffeine.
One of those ground rule grey areas. Some gatherings of cocos negotiate to avoid tea and coffee, but in general they are available. My approach is to suggest to people on a Fundamentals who maintain that they can't do without is that they work on whatever comes up when they do just that. Most large gatherings of cocos get through inordinate quantities of herb teas. Some specific workshops require participants not to use a whole range of substances (including, for example, sugar).
Catharsis.
Discharge. The healing mechanism around which coco is centred. (And it's not the only one: other traditions work around, for example, meditative exploration and integration). The techniques of coco are aimed largely at permitting and encouraging full discharge, which almost inevitably gives rise to tension reduction and the desired outcome of re-evaluation through insight. The big lie of a large part of western society is that discharge is harmful, indulgent or somehow undesirable.
CCI.
The Co-counselling International. Set up as a breakaway network from the increasingly hierarchical RC structure in the early 70s. There seem to be few people who want to define what the CCI is, and basically it just happens. At its best it is an exemplary anarchic network, and lots of growthful things happen without any structured organisation whatever.
Celebration.
This is a popular activity whenever cocos meet. I can celebrate myself, taking pleasure in my being: not something which is regarded as quite the done thing in our society. If I have a solid celebratory approach to myself I can truly celebrate others, without such things as envy, awe, embarrassment, fear, lust or whatever getting in the way. A good opening exercise (in a light mode) at the start of a session, giving a basis for balance of attention. Also a useful way into discharge when in a session, when a self-putdown emerges.
Child [state(s)].
Not part of Coco theory as such (cf, for example Transactional Analysis), but often used in role play, where a client speaks from or to the child within; or in a regressive session where the client will say what is happening as the remembered child. Child advocacy workshops influenced by the work of Alice Miller happen in CCI gatherings. A lot of CCI games and activities give the child in us a chance to play.
Choice.
Choosing and not choosing, being chosen and not being chosen. One of John Heron's trio (with love and understanding) of basic human needs. Coco gatherings can be a good laboratory for exercising choice untrammelled by my "shoulds" and "oughts".
Chronic.
A chronic pattern, which has been repeated so often that it has almost become "part of me", so that I have evolved brilliant defences which prevent their being acknowledged and worked on. Even if I am aware of a chronic pattern I feel overwhelmingly stuck in it. Needing a corresponding amount of energy to unravel and dissolve it. Can be seen as a pattern which has been repeated so often that it is restimulated just by being alive.
Circle.
The obvious way of making sure that I can at least see and have the chance to relate directly to everyone in a given group. Also invested with some ritual significance, as in opening and closing circles.
Client.
The person working in a session with the attention of a counsellor. Sometimes referred to as the "worker" or the person working.
Collusion.
The state of play when two or more people are running mutually compatible patterns, or agreeing (implicitly and often unconsciously) to behaviour which would not be OK for either of them in a state of reflective clarity.
Coming Back.
See Attention out
Community.
One of my least favourite words. I've written a paper on the its insidious effects: ask if interested. In coco terms, a description of a loose geographical network which has some degree of cohesion: ie in lists of participants, peer groups, organised workshops, teacher training / accreditation policies, newsletters (often with groanmaking title such as The Hug, Coconuts, What's on Top, Hot CoCo, The Cushion or similar...) UK Communities range from the large and fairly organised (eg London, Northwest), to the nominal.
Conflict.
Can be internal (ie the way in which all my "voices" or subpersonalities squabble between themselves) or interpersonal, usually as the result of a failure of democracy. Conflicts happen when two or more people are attached to their mutually incompatible goals. Thus leading to:
Confronting.
I as client can choose to ask a skilled counsellor for an intensive contract which might include this dimension. Looked at another way, a lot of interventions have a confrontational element, which I as client can choose to be confronted by or ignore. John Heron makes the point that in this context, effective confrontation is clear, uncompromising but non-punitive and non-moralistic. It's a tightrope between clobbering and pussyfooting.
Contract.
The level of intervention requested by a client in a session. This can be modified at any time during the session.
Contradiction.
No it isn't! Yes it is - I can learn a lot from saying or doing or just being the opposite of what my patterns dictate that I should. It's a powerful way of getting into discharge: Jackins maintains that all patterns will disappear if contradicted deeply enough. Together with its obverse, exaggeration, it is the basis of all interventions in CoCo, although there are analyses (eg John Heron's 6-category intervention analysis) which classify others, eg prescription.
Control.
One of the survival strategies which I use on myself in my everyday life to protect me from the oppression of those around me who are keen to spot chinks in my armour. A technique I use to modify the behaviour of those around me so that I feel more comfortable and in charge. The way in which I resist being playful, spontaneous, open, spiritual and loving with my fellow creatures. The way in which I repress the free expression and healing discharge of my hurts and pain. The way I stay in my head.
Convince Me.
A popular intervention, sometimes used when a client is celebrating in a not exactly celebratory way. This can often lead to useful laughter discharge, and then a more embarrassment-free celebration. Also used as a way of encouraging exaggeration of whatever expression (eg anger) is around.
Counsellor.
Cues.
Those changes I notice in what a client is saying or doing which I believe offer scope for an intervention.
Culture.
Not anything to do with music, sculpture etc. The "way of being" with other cocos which is as oppression-free as the patterns of the participants will allow it to be. Underpinned by the ground rules, which form the map, the territory is continuously created as a celebratory, supportive, nurturing space by the energy and commitment of those present.
Cushion.
The basic tool of the trade. Sat upon, shouted at, thumped, impersonating Dad, sobbed into, held for comfort, being another bit of me, pressed upon backs: is there no end to its versatility?
Discharge.
Catharsis. A route by which I let go of the distress which underpins my patterns. Often confused with the distress itself: the big lie of society. And it might be that I can confuse getting into a more distressed state with the experience of discharge. Complex stuff, this.
Direction.
A statement which encapsulates for me an intention: Can be used at the end of a session as a summary of the work done, or as a challenging route to discharge, as in "Direction Holding", when I repeat a particularly charged affirmation about myself or my future and see what comes up.
Distress.
The generative engine of patterns. The hurt I suffered and the tears / fears / grief / anger etc I didn't let go of at the time, which sit there bugging me until I let go of them by discharge.
Dreams.
Not a part of coco theory, and they can offer a useful material for a session if re-enacted.
Drugs.
Those substances with which I have a non-choiceful, patterned relationship. I read a book on psychopharmacology once which had trousers included in a comparative table of the effects of various outside agents on the human body. Trousers are quite distressing things to be without, but am I addicted to them?
Dumping.
As in: I offer loving feedback, you run a critical pattern, he dumps his shit. Another word for some aspects of "projection", which sounds a bit technical. Generally speaking, dumping, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder (or dumpee, as the recipient is technically known). The practice of labelling something in someone else which rightly belongs to me, attempting to put someone down in a critical way, non-ownership, offloading responsibility (eg moaning in order to get sympathy) etc.
Embarrassment.
Light fear. A lighter form of shame, a patterned hiding of repressed aspects of self. Rooted in uncertainty. Part of me doesn't want me to feel this / say this / act like this, and which part is right? A good burst of laughter will usually give me the answer.
Emotional Map (Feelings Map).
A useful way of looking at the range of emotional states, on the axes positive/negative and intensity.
Eye Contact.
The outward manifestation of free attention, offered rather than imposed, softly focused, giving the client a link to your aware, non-judgemental, relaxed, loving presence.
Exaggeration.
A fantastically superlative client technique. The theory is that by increasing the force, depth, etc., of a sound, gesture or other thing that I am doing, the feeling behind it will be liberated. If I continue to repress its full expression I probably won't find out where it is coming from.
Facilitation.
An impossibly difficult job undertaken by people who should know better, but haven't given themselves the time and space to discover it yet. Facilitators are generally to be found (although often not easily identifiable) in workshops. (See "workshops")
Fantasy.
A coco term for reporting what I imagine is happening for someone else. My fantasy is that people are sometimes resistant to practising using this term on Fundamentals, preferring to believe that they can intuitively read someone's mind.
Fear .
An emotional state, the patterned results of which can be discharged by shaking/shivering/appropriate sounds. Aided by hugging and digging the fingers into the counsellor's back: act into the childlike state of holding on to a reassuring figure.
Feelings Map.
See Emotional Map
Feedback.
(For the dark side, see Dumping. For advanced practitioners, see Loving Feedback). The light, rather than shadow side, can be a useful process when requested. Counsellors can benefit much from client feedback about what was useful for them in a session.
First Person.
An aspect of "owning" which is part of the culture. I talk about what's happening for me, what I want, etc., rather than imagining that these feelings are shared by others or that I am speaking for another. I see what I take to be resistance to this practice in groups, and I think it's due to long societal conditioning that it's more useful to act upon what I imagine are other peoples' needs rather than my own. (see Fantasy) Free attention: See Attention
Freudian slips.
Being humanistic, we don't refer to them as such: we often blurt out things in session which aren't really what we "meant" to say which can give pointers to underlying material. A canny counsellor will pick them up quickly, and by mirroring, suggesting repetition etc., will enable this to be addressed.
Fuck / Fucking.
One of those nice expletives which is in wide usage in sessions. I don't know why, but it really has a charge, and is useful particularly in adjectival form.
Fundamentals.
An import from RC, being the recognised minimum 40 -hour basic training course in the skills. My personal view is that 40 hours (particularly over only two weekends) is too short for most people. But then again, that's my stuff.
Games.
Activities which can be fun, cohesive or lightening, to raise energy levels and generally enable people to feel better. Games can also be heavy in their outcomes - I might have adverse emotional reactions to being in a child space, or feel challenged by an aspect of a game such as intimacy, movement, etc. Games can have a positive effect on group culture, and model non-competitive forms of interaction.
Gestalt.
A form of therapy developed by Fritz Perls, bits of which have been incorporated into coco techniques, particularly role play with cushions, 'owning', present tense, exaggeration.
Goal Setting.
An exercise, often at the end of a session, in which I can be clear about what I want to change in my behaviour as a result of insight / re-evaluation.
Grief.
The emotion linked to loss, parting, separation, ending. The discharge route is by shedding the tears, sobbing etc., which was repressed at the time when I put a brave face on it.
Ground Rules.
See "Rules"
Guided Fantasy.
Or "visualisation": We all lie down and relax whilst one of our number talks us gently through an inward journey of imagination, after which we can work on what came up for us.
Healing.
A wide humanistic notion meaning the undoing of the effects of past hurt: re-evaluation following discharge comes into this category. Other routes to healing are not a central part of coco, but are widely practised when cocos gather.
Here and Now.
The opposite of there and then. The state of being fully aware of what's going on around me, not regressed, with abundant free attention.
Heron, John.
One of the people who founded the CCI in the mid-70s as a breakaway network from the RC structure, and trained many of the teachers active today. His writings have formed a large chunk of the underpinning theory, but the central notions of how accumulated undischarged hurts form our patterns and the possibility of dissolving them through the relevant discharge route are pure RC. However, his 'New Paradigm' article puts much distance between RC today and CCI, reiterating the reasons for the original split in the early 70s.
Hierarchy of Emotions.
This is another unchanged RC idea, which arose from a purely pragmatic observation of the "layers" of discharge which happen in people. It doesn't imply that some emotions are more important than others, just that they tend to get released in a specific sequence.
Hugs.
As in "Love & Hugs", a traditional signing off cliché. Hugs are part of the culture, but are of course not obligatory. "The Hug" is the title of the London community newsletter.
Humanistic Psychology.
An eclectic tradition of approaches to therapy and human development based on a common set of approaches to the person. The starting point is the healthy, rather than the unhealthy or "abnormal" mind. Coco is a bit of a microcosm, of bits and pieces drawn from all over the place. (Influences include Carl Rogers, Gestalt, Psychodrama, various primal therapies, Reich, etc.) One of the very important differences between RC & CCI is that Harvey Jackins draws a very rigid boundary around RC theory and refuses to acknowledge any connection or cross- fertilisation with any mainstream therapy.
Hurt.
Our society tends to subscribe to the notion that to ignore hurts and repress their discharge is one of the first tasks of the developing infant: "keep a stiff upper lip"; "don't be a cry-baby". Thus we pile them up through life. The discharge which didn't happen at the time is still there waiting to happen.
Identity Check (I.D. Check).
A technique to help me become more aware of my "projections", which are those attributes I assume you have because at some level (could be unconscious) you remind me of someone else. It's a very simple but profoundly effective practice and has benefits especially, but not exclusively, at the start of new relationships.
Inappropriate Intervention.
Not one which doesn't work, (because it's not my responsibility to "make" them "work"), but one which an experienced observer of my counselling could see from their disinterested position might be either
(a) not within the range of interventions a client might experience or
(b) muddied by my counsellor patterns, stemming from my distress, or
(c) in some way clumsily timed, or mishandled or some such. Whatever the reason, I can learn from feedback.
Inhibition.
A useful mechanism in everyday life, and one which in a non-oppressive setting such as the coco culture might be counterproductive. Part of the Fundamentals training aims at awareness of the extent of our inhibitions, and gives us a forum to experiment and check out with others those which we could growthfully let go of every now and then.
Insight.
What just pops into my consciousness, and as such a pretty unpredictable number. If I throw them around at people, I will soon learn what it feels like to be resented. In their place (ie negotiated for) they can be useful, particularly in intensive contract. Client insights which follow discharge are the basis of re- evaluation.
Intensify.
Exaggerate. Rose & Richard's manual has a nice analogy of throwing a bucket of petrol on the smouldering fire of a client's material rather than the water which society says I should.
Intensive contract.
See Contract
Interpersonal.
What happens between me and others (rather than inside my head). The field of human relations. As it spans the field from intimacies between two people to the way I relate to a football crowd, it's pretty wide.
Invalidating.
Putting down, dumping, criticising. The opposite of validating.
Jackins, Harvey.
The guy who started the whole Re-evaluation Counseling thing and who has been in control of it ever since.
Laughter.
The best medicine, and an excellent discharge route for embarrassment.
Liberation.
Setting free from the shackles of oppression, becoming autonomous. A major focus of work in RC, not a word used much in CCI.
Literal Description.
Usually in the present tense - I describe the scene as if I am actively reliving it, with as many references as possible - sounds, textures, smells, sights etc.
Love.
What makes the world go round. One of John Heron's three basic human needs (and probably for the rest of us as well). See Needs
Loving feedback.
Sometimes a modifying preface to a dumping attempt. Usually more damaging to dumper and dumpee than the unmodified "feedback", but can sometimes mean what it says.
Material.
Whatever I am working on in a session. My "stuff". And regarded as confidential at all times. It's not spoken about to anyone else and, just as importantly, to me either.
Mirroring.
My counsellor does what I am doing; facial expressions, hand movements etc. Entertaining sometimes, acutely confrontational sometimes.
New & Good.
A simple attention-out exercise, in which I self- consciously force myself against my better judgement, embarrassment etc., to actually say out loud what I'm feeling good about right now as a counterbalance to distress. There, that wasn't so hard after all, was it.
Non - verbal.
Those feelings I am communicating to others which my body expresses far more eloquently than my speech. A way of clienting which is sometimes less inhibiting than "telling in words" Sometimes my words can be an avoidance.
Nurturance.
Care for, nourish, stroke, focus loving intent upon, offer accepting physical presence. What is commonly confused with sex, or what sex is often the excuse for.
Nutshelling.
"Can you say that in a nutshell" as an intervention when a client makes a long or rambling statement as a direction or summary.
One to One.
The title of the CCI national newsletter, which appears every six months. Send a fiver to John Talbut, The Laurels, Berry Hill Lane, Donington-le-Heath, Coalville, Leics LE67 2FB and he will put you on the circulation list.
Oppression.
A concept used in a wide range of meanings: Anything which threatens my autonomy. Also can be used to describe "isms", for example sexism, ageism. This glossary, for example, aims to be non-oppressive in its language without being cumbersome.
The RC model of oppression divides people into 2 groups, agents of oppression (who act it out) and targets of oppression (who directly suffer it). Oppression regenerates itself as each new generation is the target of these oppressive structures in childhood, lays down patterns and reproduces them as an adult.
Both agent and target patterns are installed and maintained by distress (as all patterns are), hence in this model, agents of oppression are not to blame. They are just doing the best they can burdened by their patterns.
Oppression may be based on: age (both old and young being targets), class, gender, nationality, physical/mental ability, race, sexual orientation, etc... Hence an individual may be simultaneously agent and target, (eg a working class man as the target of classism and the agent of sexism).
Owning.
See First Person: The aim of this practice is to avoid projecting my stuff onto other people, and avoiding oppressing them by speaking on their behalf. It helps me take responsibility for my actions/feelings/life. I also like the notion of 'response-ability': I am able to choose how I respond to the environment.
Patterns.
Those things that I do which I don't fully and consciously choose to do. Some patterns are extremely useful to me: I call these adaptive patterns. If I didn't, without thinking, "instinctively" stamp on the brake when someone steps out in front of my car, the world would be a sadder place. And there a lot of maladaptive patterns around as well - these are the ones which limit my choicefulness because I have developed some set responses to particular situations or triggers which aren't very productive for me now. Some time ago they might well have served me very well, and been essential for my survival, and now it could be that I don't need them any more.
Peer.
The peer principle is one of the ground rules which underpins the culture. Basically we are all assumed to be autonomous choiceful intelligent human beings who don't need authority figures to look up to, tell us what to do or what is right.
Peer Groups.
An arrangement in which cocos gather at a time and frequency decided between them to do things which they want, which might be to have sessions, play games, share massage, run a workshop or whatever.
Potential, Human.
The name of a "movement" in which coco fits. Also an underpinning notion that we all have untapped skills, aptitudes, depths etc., which can be liberated.
Power.
Tends to be used in everyday language as a notion which implies "authority/domination over": This is not the coco usage, which is concerned with an independent, vigorous assertiveness which leads to less striving for power over others. It's the difference between 'power over' and 'power to' or the notion of 'empowerment'
Present Tense.
In a session I find it more productive to say it like it's happening now rather than tell a historical story.
Present Time.
The main RC journal. And the here and now. What we come back to after a session.
Process.
A nice concept, embracing a counter-culture notion that what is is just as important as what should be or what end point I think am aiming at when I am doing what I think I am doing. My "process" is the means rather than the end of my personal growth.
Projection.
A subset of dumping. Actually quite an academic term, so I'd better not venture into a theoretical mine field. They would all think that I didn't know what I'm talking about, and would probably tell me about my lack of theoretical rigour which prevents me from seeing the true nature of my paranoia.....
Putdown.
You wouldn't understand it even if I explained it for several paragraphs. Dumping. Oppression. Includes self- oppression: "I'm no good... I can't do that...."
RC.
See Re-evaluation Counselling
Re-evaluation.
The process following discharge insight (in which things suddenly (and sometimes quite amusingly) become more focused, clear, obvious, reframed, or whatever. With this experience I can purposefully set new goals, new ways of being.
Repetition.
No, I'm not going to say things twice. And if I did, I might discover the charge underlying it. Particularly if I really worked on getting annoyed by it.
Resentments.
In a survey of methodologies a few years ago, it emerged that most teachers don't use "Resent and Appreciate" rounds in Fundamentals, probably on the grounds that resentments are bound to be patterns manifested and therefore not useful. In circumstances where this kind of feedback has been negotiated for, I don't see an objection, and it can lead to more clarity. There are more in-depth exercises which grow from this type of negotiated ownership of feelings, and in principle I am in favour. Unfinished business is a fact of life.
Rescuing.
OK, so you don't know what this means. You are absolutely justified and should not worry: you are quite right. I think that it is most reprehensible of them to expect you to go along with this type of thing anyway. The very idea that you should be challenged and left to suffer is quite ghastly, and I will stick by you and protect you whatever they say.
Restimulation.
......What happens whenever I'm in this situation. And I can't help it. And what's more it happens every time.........
Right Brain.
I have a compulsive urge to say Right Brian, but that's my creative playfulness coming out. The two sides (hemispheres) of the brain process information in different ways: the left majoring in logical, rational analysis and the right divergent, creative and intuitive.
Rogers, Carl.
The originator of person-centred counselling, who gave us the notion of "Unconditional Positive Regard", an underpinning of Free Attention.
Role Play.
If I have an interpersonal issue to work on, it's more productive to do it actively. So that a cushion or counsellor can represent the other, and I can say what's on my mind.
Rules.
Or the "Ground Rules": The restrictions we agree to which enable us to be free within certain limits.
Safety.
A sense of being respected, "heard", in a place where there is free attention available, where all present share a commitment to growth and adherence to the ground rules. And this doesn't deny my responsible for my own safety, my own groundedness, self-support, breathing, aware risktaking.
Scanning.
Looking back to those times I have felt/done this before. Often a pattern will emerge which will give me an insight into why my behaviour is inflexible.
Script.
A term which has a specific meaning in Transactional Analysis, and which overlaps with the concept of a pattern.
Self & Peer Assessment.
Sometimes used on Fundamentals courses to accredit people into coco communities. A non-hierarchical process of checking out my perceptions of what I have achieved in relation to stated criteria with people who have worked with me.
Sex.
Quite a heavy duty human drive, and therefore featuring in patterned or unpatterned ways among cocos, who are as representative a bunch of human beings as you are likely to come across. " - Positive: The approach aimed for when cocos get together. My own fantasy is that there is a lot of intimacy, nurturance and loving contact which goes on in coco gatherings, and less compulsive fucking than in other comparable agglomerations of people.
Shit.
Like "dump" and "stuff", one of my favourite monosyllabic terms. That which is dumped. Occasionally used in a more value-free sense akin to "material".
Socialising.
A major no-no in RC, and one of those things aimed for in CCI. The idea is that coco is not a "normal" social relationship, and that friendships imply interlocking patterns, and having a session with someone with whom you have interlocking patterns is dysfunctional. There is also a clear risk of confusing session material with socially imparted information. So you don't pay your money, and you take your choice. Generally speaking, the cultural norm is that it's OK to have a cup of tea and a chat after, but not before, a session. Reminds me of a corny definition of the three best things in life: the drink before and the cigarette afterwards.
To be more serious, here is Julian's view:
Co-co is a special relationship, take care of it. There are several risks in going beyond the co-co contract, especially when new to it.
On the other side:
Stress.
One of the facts of life, without which some of us wouldn't actually perform productively (notice the escape from ownership there?). Whether stress results in strain is a matter for me.
Stuck.
This is when I am not making any progress, or don't know where to go. A counsellor can help me get out of this negativity trap with some lightly applied attention- switching, celebratory suggestions or other appropriate intervention.
Stuff.
Commonly used in expressions such as "that's your stuff", implying potential dumping, where the dumpee senses that some shit is coming over. Also used in the value-free sense of material: ("I'm working on my stuff")
Support.
What we ask for when we need it. It can be in whatever form I want, from a hand to hold, someone to sit by me, or a round-the-clock intensive contract. Support Groups: These are part of the culture in gatherings. Groups of people who contract to meet with an agreed agenda or none at certain times to "touch base", support and nurture each other. Or confront each other, if that's what the group contract is.
Swamped.
A state of having little or no "attention out" of the distress I am working on. And if I am doing some unaware clienting without a contracted counsellor, then the crocodiles will have a field day. (Well, it's not bad as mixed metaphors go)
Target Practice.
Missed, dammit! A type of role play in which I can try out a new way of being or relating or whatever, a dress rehearsal for the real world.
Teacher.
Someone who thinks they know more about it than you do right now.
Timekeeping.
One of the marks of a cocounsellor, observable when they work in non-coco settings, where their obsessions with equal time, beeping things and complex wristwatches with lots of buttons make them objects of derision for the laid- back, non time-fixated people around them. It is one of the clear boundary definitions which leads to safety in the co-co setting.
Touch.
A way of communicating, often important in sessions, enabling a client to maintain through hand contact a connection with the counsellor's free attention, and also a way for a counsellor to intervene. Outside session time a popular occupation with cocos, who generally arrange for as much of it as possible, whilst keeping a wary eye out for the kinds of patterned, comforting, helping hand "there, there" contact which doesn't get Brownie points.
Transference.
Doesn't feature in coco theory, and therefore when it happens we sometimes don't recognise it. The ID check is a technique for 'managing' projections, but it depends on their being made explicit, which by definition they ain't. Transference can be a major feature of some varieties (psychodynamic) of one-way counselling / therapeutic strategies, and negated or neutralised (in coco theory) by the reciprocal peer principle. I am working on an investigation of this thorny issue and would welcome your thoughts.
Transpersonal.
It's beyond me. And you. The word is used to describe those aspects of experience which are beyond my ego or personality, the spiritual dimension. Not a necessary part of CoCo experience, but one which naturally seems to unfold as personal growth takes place. Explicitly part of the 'new paradigm'
Understanding.
One of John Heron's trio of human needs, with love and choice.
Unfinished Business.
I'll never get to the bottom of this. A term for that which is left unsaid, what needs to be done to clear the air interpersonally. A road that can be travelled the next few yards by clear honest statements to another about what I feel when you do X, who you remind me of, etc.
Validation.
An unqualified positive statement about a person's being.
Victim.
Why is it always me who has to define these nasty words? I wish you hadn't made me do this in the first place.
Voice Dialogue.
A technique developed by Hal Stone & Sidra Winkelman. I feel tempted to try to explain it, but it would probably be best if you read the books: "Embracing Our Selves" and "Embracing Each Other", New World Library, San Raphael, Cal.
Vomiting.
Some say that this is a useful form of discharge. The idea makes me feel sick. But I usually have a bucket or waste bin handy just in case.
What's on Top.
A popular opener to a session. The idea being that this is where the important stuff is for me right now. And if it isn't, it's a good place to start.
Workshop.
An all-embracing term for a gathering of people who are being facilitated. If you have just looked up facilitation, hard luck. I don't know what a workshop is either.
Worst Thing.
As in "What's the worst thing that could happen?" - a useful intervention when I am sunk in client despondency. When I answer, it's usually illuminating to discover that the worst thing is often not so bad as I have been kidding myself.
Yawning.
A vastly underrated discharge mechanism for body tensions etc. Try acting into it. It takes some effort on the part of the counsellor to avoid restimulation but once you've got the hang of it you can sit and watch it for hours.
Zest.
A lovely word used by Jackins to refer to a state of the absence of tension; what is aimed for: the goal. Isn't it nice that it's at the end of the list? If only life were this tidy.
I would appreciate feedback and suggestions for improvement You are free to use this text in whatever way you wish.
David Colbourne +44 (0)1993 776733
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