Telephone Co-counselling
Rudolf Giesselmann. 2001
Some experiences and ideas about telephone counselling:
Co-counselling sessions on the telephone
You can have Counselling sessions also on the telephone. However
certain things need particular attention.
The normal course of a phonecall shows strongly ritualised
culture-specific patterns. Particularly the start and end usually
follow certain standards.
If you start with having normal co-counselling sessions (meeting in
a private space and speaking in front of your partner), it is
difficult to omit ritualised behaviour relating to 'there is a
guest'. In a comparable way it is important that co-counselling on
the phone replace current patterns for telephoning by other
communication forms suitable for sessions.
The Place
If the place for telephone sessions clearly differs from the
place you use for work or to make phone calls, then this can avoid
possible diversions during sessions (e.g. memories of things from
everyday life, or of something that 'I should not forget ') unless
you want to make the place and the memories which belong to it the
subject of a Counselling session.
To achieve this, sometimes it is enough just to turn the armchair
and look in another direction, to point the light of the lamp to a
different direction, to sit down on the floor instead of sitting on
a chair, to lay down on a bed so that the head is where normally the
feet are, etc..
The place where you co-counsel on the telephone should be protected
from disturbances: Other co-inhabitants are informed and neither
enter your room, nor wander around in front of your door. A clearly
visible note guards against the forgetfulness of the co-inhabitants.
The curtains are drawn, so that also no neighbour can intrude. The
beep tone for parallel incoming telephone calls is switched off.
Support Materials
Both has a timer with a ' BEEP ', thus both can monitor the time in
the role of the Counsellor and the end of the session is clearly and
simply signalled for both. If one or more cushions are around, you
can make use of role-play techniques in your session. In order to
have free hands in the session, telephones with a free speech
mechanism or with a headset are good.
The time
Also sessions on the telephone should be agreed in advance as
regards the time and the duration. This guarantees that each person
can create a suitable environment for the session. Appointed dates
should be kept exactly in the same way as with other sessions. My
co-counselling partner might be irritated, after stopping his normal
routine and preparing the place, not to be able to reach me on the
phone, e.g. because somebody else has entangled me into a long
telephone call, even if this would not disturb me the other way
round.
Equality
Beside paying attention to the equality of time, it is a good idea
to consider the equality of telephone costs. This helps to avoid
confusing feelings in sessions due to e.g. gratitude. The easiest
way is that the one who called first is called back by their partner
for the second part of the session.
The techniques
Where/in which position do I sit/lie?
If possible chose an unloaded position, which you normally don't use
in everyday life, in order not to be diverted by thoughts of
everyday life. E.g. It probably isn't good to sit on the desk chair
at your workplace. Sometimes it is already enough to sit on the
floor in front of it to create a new situation for you.
How long can a session last?
Perhaps it is good to start telephone co-counselling with shorter
sessions (2 x 15 minutes) to learn to get used the new situation.
Afterwards longer sessions can be tried out to find the time which
fits best. Possibly it is not as easy to maintain attention in
longer sessions as in sessions with direct physical presence because
there are more senses involved.
Which contract can you choose?
With telephone co-counselling, just free attention in telephone
sessions is more suitable only for short minis as any suggestions
from the counsellor - however small they might be - are telling the
client: There is still someone there who is giving me attention.
What are the eyes of counsellor and client directed on?
As the other person in the room is missing, you can look at a
neutral corner of the room, on " simple " objects, which don't
divert you. For some periods the eyes might be closed. To keep
contact to the presence, it makes sense if neither the client nor
the counsellor does this the whole time.
How can you react to non-verbal signals?
Pure body-work would be ruled out by telephone co-counselling. In
telephone sessions the counsellor cannot make suggestions to body
reactions. S/he cannot see the gestures and movements. Certainly,
the catching of facial gestures/eye movements is lost, however often
(but not always) these actions are accompanied by silences,
modulations in the tone or dynamic of the voice and with practice
these can be caught by the counsellor and reflected in corresponding
interventions. His/her attention has to concentrate on the voice. In
this way, by listening, you are sometimes closer to the process of
the client than in normal sessions. The one who speaks, is by their
non-verbal messages with their voice in a way a 'truth teller'. To
be attentive to this, is to have sharper ears. Non-verbal messages
of the voice consist of its modifications.
The voice changes between:
| Louder
| softer (whisper)
|
| faster (hastily, splutter)
| more slowly changing
|
| speech speed
| pauses (flow of words)
|
| higher tone
| deeper tone
|
| stronger accentuation
| less accentuation
|
| homogeneously (monotonous)
| full of variations (alive)
|
The modifications in the tone of the voice which accompany
modifications of feelings are particularly interesting. Also, a slip
of the tongue can be especially important. To bring attention to the
thoughts and feelings which are connected to the changes in the
voice, the counsellor can either suggest to repeat, to reinforce, to
exaggerate, to contradict these modifications or use such moments to
make suggestions to the thoughts and feelings lying behind these
changes in the voice.
How can you deal with strong feelings?
To have the
possibility of discharging strong feelings, the client can put the
telephone receiver aside in some parts of the session. For this a
head set or a free speech mechanism is highly suitable. However,
some spontaneity must inevitably be lost as the client must be
mindful of the counsellor and avoid sudden loud verbal explosions
and also remember to come back to the phone afterwards. Sufficient
cushions should be around before a session starts. If the Counsellor
is not sure of the exact situation in the client's place, it is
important for the client's safety to ask (enough cushions around?).
S/he can ask something similar before s/he suggests a role-play with
a cushion. The client should supply cushions as necessary before the
session. The best way is for the counsellor to ask this before the
session starts.
Any comments and additional ideas are very welcome.
Is there any other material written about telephone counselling?
I want to improve the small handout by the incoming messages.
Many thanks to Kathryn Walker who shared her experiences with me and
who worked on my English version (The original text is in German) to
bring it into a fluent readable text.
Rudolf
Giesselmann rudolf@co-counseln.de Jaunary 2001