Every single Human Being
at every moment of the past,
- if the entire situation is taken into account -
has always done the very best he or she could do,
and so deserves neither blame nor reproach
from anyone including self.
This
in particular
is true of you
Harvey Jackins
Special thanks to all who have shared their ideas and suggestions with me, for inclusion and improvement, namely Barbara Heywood, Annie Boulton and Mike Bray.
Trevor Moody is the 'ideas' man for the quick reference section for co-counsellors at the back of the manual.
Thanks to Jenny Moody for typing the Manual.
My grateful thanks to Valerie Alferoff who has creatively reproduced my posters and provided the cover for the manual.
I am indebted to James Kilty for his comments and directions in the finalisation of this manual.
What is co-counselling?It helps me fulfil my potential as a human beingIts about
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Secondly, a co-counsellor has many partners to choose from. This ensures that those undergoing any stressful period can readily arrange a session without having to fit in with a therapist's appointment system.
Thirdly, but seen by many co-counsellors as the most important difference to other forms of counselling and psychotherapy, that the client is not dependent on a particular counsellor for his or her own development.
The client, at the outset in co-counselling, states 'how' a session is to run and stays in control of this throughout. In effect there is no dependence/responsibility given to the counsellor for the client to have a 'good' session. The client is thus empowered.
At the end of the training course, as a co-counselling counsellor you are in the position to deal effectively and safely with whatever your client chooses to bring to his or her session. As a client, you direct what and how you wish to proceed, determining your own pace. It is an on-going process that enables co-counsellors to explore and become proficient in dealing with their own distress. There is no rule as to how often a co-counsellor has sessions - that is left to each individual.
Another spin-off is that in everyday interactions co-counsellors find they become increasingly aware of their own and others' speech and body patterns. This can aid in leading to greater clarity of interaction and allows problem solving and decision making processes to develop in a more meaningful way for all parties concerned.
The basic premise then is that each of us has a potential which goes far beyond that which we normally realise. It is possible to learn for ourselves how to become more responsive, creative and flexible, autonomous and co-operative human beings and how to deal with our own distress in our own way with some help from others.
Heron (1977) states that whilst our society and culture has given degrees of help to us, this has been limited and in many ways restricting. (See also Non-cathartic Society). The simple techniques learned in co-counselling (which are natural to us) are available for us each to use for helping ourselves and others. As adults we each need the support of others to flourish in an interdependent way which can then enable changing conditions in our society, our community, our circle of friends and workmates. Each of us can learn to grow and develop in his/her own most meaningful way, and create for ourselves an increasingly distress free environment.
Co-counselling is for everyone who is interested in their own personal development. You do not necessarily have to be in a distressed state in order to undertake the training or to benefit. People in all walks of life, employed, unemployed, are already finding co-counselling a useful tool with which to enhance their life skills and find fulfillment. As a co-counsellor you can join the growing numbers and be accepted nationally and internationally wherever co-counselling communities exist.
A list of contact persons is available from your co-counselling teacher.
N.B. Co--counselling is not for those too heavily distressed to
give attention to another human being, nor is it for those too
heavily reliant on anti-depressants, tranquillisers etc:, or who are
unable in the conventional way to conduct their occupational arid
personal life in a sufficiently normal and balanced way by the
prevailing 'norms' of society.
History of Co-counselling
Extracts from Heron's Articles 1980
Co-counselling is a set of skills which are used in a reciprocal peer counselling setting. They were originally developed in the USA in the late 60's by Harvey Jackins who called it 'Re-evaluation Counselling'. Under his auspice it spread throughout the USA and to Europe, and networks of co-counsellors were organised. In the early 60's and 70's communities were simply networks of people who co-counselled in their own homes regularly and who met from time to time for shorter or longer workshops. Harvey then developed guidelines and the notion of a Key Reference Person. This person, with a small committee, advised on all substantial matters of Theory and Policy for Jackins, the International Reference Person. This Organisation became theoretically rigid and internally authoritarian.
Co-counselling International (CCI) is an alternative approach developed by John Heron who became opposed to the authoritarian style which he believed violated the fundamental concepts of equality advocated in co-counselling. CCI operates on the peer group principle with no hierarchical structure. Communities are free to organise themselves and train their own teachers. Further information is given under CCI Communities. In order to understand the rationale of the techniques offered in co-counselling, it is necessary to understand the concepts behind these techniques. Acceptance of these concepts is thus a prerequisite to trusting and trying out the techniques. The following section is devoted to presenting co-counselling theory as far as it goes, prior to taking the reader through the individual techniques.
| Left brain | Right brain |
|---|---|
|
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Talking about, intellectualising (which is in effect dissociating from incidents and events), maintain a person in the left side. Co-counselling techniques are all about accessing the right brain, which is why they are so successful.
| Left mode | Right mode |
|---|---|
| VERBAL: Using words to name, describe, define. | NON-VERBAL: Awareness of things but minimal connection with words. |
| ANALYTIC: Figuring things out step-by-step and part-by-part. | SYNTHETIC: Putting things together to form wholes. |
| SYMBOLIC: Using a symbol to stand for something. For example, the drawn form stands for the eye and the form + stands for the process of addition. | CONCRETE: Relating to things as they are at the present moment. |
| ABSTRACT: Taking out a small bit of information and using it to represent the whole thing. | ANALOGIC: Seeing likenesses between things; understanding of metamorphic relationships. |
| TEMPORAL: Keeping track of time, sequencing one thing after another. Doing first things first, second things second and so on. | NON-TEMPORAL: Without a sense of time. |
| RATIONAL: Drawing conclusions based on reason and facts. | NON-RATIONAL: Not requiring a basis of reason or facts; willingness to suspend Judgement. |
| DIGITAL: Using numbers as in counting. | SPATIAL: Seeing where things are in relation to other things and how parts go together to form a whole. |
| LOGICAL: Drawing conclusions based on logic: one thing following another in logical order for example, a mathematical theorem or a well-stated argument. | INTUITIVE: Making leaps of thought often based on incomplete patterns, hunches, feelings or visual images. |
| LINEAR: Thinking in terms of linked ideas, one thought directly following another, often leading to a convergent conclusion. | HOLISTIC: Seeing whole things all at once; perceiving the overall patterns and structures, often leading to divergent conclusions. |
Events of themselves do not have an emotion - an emotion'. when experienced, lies within the person perceiving the event: To explain, if two men who are fighting are viewed by a mixed crowd of people the following are possible reactions:
Perception and reality are closely linked - as illustrated by the following example:
"Which side of the road is the right hand side?"Of course this depends on 'where you are coming from'. If two people are walking towards one another, the right hand side of the road occupies both sides, not only that, but each right side is also the left side. Confusing? The application of this in co-counselling is that as each person sees and experiences the world from a different perspective, so each person is always 'right' from their own point of view. We create our own reality. Accepting this means accepting the person and their right to see things as they do.
Another important feature is to remember that all speech is autobiographical. That is, when a person speaks, on whatever subject, they are always speaking from their own individual perspective - even their observation of another person's behaviour is how they see the person and how it effects them. It is helpful to remember this when at the receiving end of criticism and/or praise as well.
Following on from this, it can be argued that how the world is for different people depends largely on their 'inner world'. A cold, haughty, withdrawn person is likely to experience coldness and haughtiness from those around. Conversely, a warm, loving and friendly person is more likely to notice these qualities in those around. To a large extent this point can be developed further by proposing that everything that is happening around a person - events and people, is a mirror image of what is going on inside them. our outer world is therefore dependent on our inner world. Each person creates their own reality and the beginning of change therefore lies within each one of us.
Co-counselling is one way to begin to see things from different perspectives.
At this point I would remind the reader that you have survived life crises until now. You already have a survival tool kit. Co-counselling does not mean throwing away any of these tools, they are very Important to you. What it does offer is additional tools to add to the ones you already have, and to use them for helping yourself whenever you choose to do so.
"Sorcerers say that we are inside a bubble. It is a bubble into which we are placed at the moment of our birth. At first the bubble is open, but then it begins to close until it has sealed us in. That bubble is our perception; we live inside that bubble all of our lives. And what we witness on its round walls is our own reflection."
Don Juan from Carlos Castaneda, "Tales of Power"
With regard to understanding, we are talking here of the intellect of the human being. At the time of birth, according to Harvey Jackins, the human being is at its most intelligent. This intelligence then becomes increasingly occluded by hurtful, stress experiences. It is very true to say that we cannot think intelligently while we are distressed. How often have you experienced an accident or near miss in your car after a row with your partner? Or done something 'silly' because your mind was not on what you were doing at the time, but taken up
When a child is presented with a strange and unfamiliar situation without being given adequate Information, then fear may result. This situation will be recorded in the child's history, together with the feelings experienced at the time of the incident. A child also needs to know that other people around recognise and accept him/her for whom s/he is. The consequence of this not happening can be a deeply distressing and hurtful experience. Being understood and accepted by other human beings is a fundamental need. One of the major aims in co- counselling is to draw attention to this fundamental need and to facilitate such interaction.
Self-direction is the exercise of intelligent choice which can be towards the meeting of physical needs such as food or sex or rest or warmth or shelter. However, it can also be toward a personal goal such as choosing a partner, achieving a position of repute in a job, the ability to take part in desired social activities or the expression of ones own abilities and talents on self-development. Frustration of any personal goal can result in anger. In addition, young children can be frustrated by the sheer physical effort required to achieve their objectives, quite apart from being frustrated by other human beings. Ideally a child requires facilitative parents who provide conditions for self-discovery, give encouragement to make decisions, and provide the opportunities to fulfill the decisions once they have been made.(Heron 1977)
When 'understanding needs' are frustrated because there is insufficient information, either in the surroundings or by a child's 'significant' adults, then anxiety is experienced. When this situation appears to be threatening, either physically or
When 'self-direction needs' are frustrated i.e. the child is prevented from exploring and experiencing situations (a natural process of self-discovery), then tension results. The more thwarted a person feels, the more anger is experienced. Children, if permitted, can explore this need for discovery through their imitation of adults, and through their imaginative play.
The frustrating messages that we are constantly given during childhood are:- you 'should' 'ought' and 'must' be other than you are. These I shoulds' 'oughts' and 'musts' are the rules of other people which are being imposed on us. Very often they are rules which we then take in and adopt as our own rules of how we and others should behave. Closer analysis of these rules reveals that people can vary greatly in what is believed to be right/wrong.
One of the long term effects of these messages' can be that people are unsure whether they are doing the right thing and may need approval from others before they feel O.K. A dependence may then be created together with low self esteem and a lack of ability to make decisions. Let us now look at the effect of the frustration of our Human Needs.
Stored distress will affect the person in either one or both of the following ways:
Apart from patterned behaviour, there is the state of mental
illness at the far end of the continuum. When a person has been so
emotionally interfered with,the intelligence and emotional
behaviours become sufficiently bizarre for the person to seek help
or for others to notice the bizarre behaviour and expedite such help
as is considered to be necessary.
Potential of Human Beings
AFFIRMATION OF TRUTH: "I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful,
loving, harmonious and happy."
According to Harvey Jackins (1965), human beings have the capacity to be enormously intelligent. In addition, the natural way for a human being to feel is zestful, i.e. gets a 'kick' out of being alive and views problems as interesting challenges to solve with enjoyment. With regard to our relationships with other People, Harvey Jackins proposes that it is a natural process to have relationships, and to enjoy affection, communication and co-operation with other human beings. These three characteristics are innate (with each of us at birth) and are not acquired. Harvey Jackins goes oh to propose that all the rest of human behavior and feeling is acquired and is the result of something having gone wrong.
Much of this theory is reflected in Analytic and Humanistic Psychology.
Let us now look further at a process of behaviour which may help
to throw light on how our thinking and beliefs can become distorted.
This process is called 'patterning'.
Patterning
What is it? The word patterning is applied when a person is
behaving in a way that is largely influenced by previous distress
experiences. Take the analogy of a blank gramophone record as being
the new born child's mind before any messages have been recorded.
Through the learning process, events axe recorded. Soon the child
will experience a stressful time and will feel a deeper emotional
stress response ie. anger, fear, etc:. This 'response' will have a
marked effect - it will make a 'deeper groove recording' a chronic
pattern is thus established.
Many differing deeper recordings will be made during early childhood, the most vulnerable years being 0-6. In the future, and as adults, when similar experiences and emotions are felt, the person is pulled back into the original stress recorded groove. The consequence of this is that people then behave and feel very much the same as when they were 'little people' and it is this response or reaction that we call patterned behaviour - replay of the old distress recording that a person is hooked back into. The person is therefore not acting from their true authentic able self but from the position of a hurt/angry fearful child.
This patterned behaviour is labeled as our personality. When a pattern is established in this way it is seen to be in a 'chronic' state so that the person is unable, by conventional means, to get themselves out of the reaction or feeling. It is useful to remember that whenever we argue with another person in distress, we have slipped into the other person's, and probably our own, patterned behaviour. Whenever we blame or reproach another person we have slipped into this as well. It is so important to remember that the distress pattern is of a completely different character to the human being.
It is also useful to remember that our stress recordings have a very strong pull, rather like a tug of war with the present logical reality. The stress pull is the more powerful. Hence a person will say 'I know it is unreasonable/silly etc: of me to feel like this - but I can't help it!'
It is only possible for human beings to believe something different about themselves when their stress has been discharged. The right brain which holds the original stress recording is stronger than the intellectually left brain. Let me now illustrate what I mean by telling you......
Harry eventually left this school and progressed through other schools to University. The memory and emotions of the early school experience faded away.
Harry then went on to his first job, where he was placed in an open office with colleagues about the same age. The manager of this department was a fairly tall man with thick curly hair and glasses. Harry noticed that whenever this manager buzzed him on the intercom or called him into his office, he began to feel nervous and his tummy churned. However, Harry put this down to the fact that probably this was normal and most people felt this way when being confronted by their 'boss'. That is until one day when the manager had spoken to him over the phone and wanted to see him, and Harry expressed his anxiety to a colleague. This colleague showed great surprise that Harry should even feel this way, and others in the office likewise, saying that they found Bill (the manager) a really decent guy. Learning this, Harry was very surprised but had no understanding or knowledge in consciousness as to why he should be reacting in this way."
Harry was in patterned behaviour - way back in time in the recording groove of being 5 or 6 years old. He was 'restimulated' by the appearance and position of Bill to his previous experience with the Headmaster. Being in that patterned state was not conducive to acting in an adult way. In fact Harry's demeanor in front of Bill would be more that of a frightened child within the body of an adult.
Patterns are addictive in their actions. They tend to force their victims through a re-enactment of the original hurt that caused the pattern. This is in an attempt to deal with it. However many times a present time experience is worked through, until the original hurt is accessed and dealt with, the pattern will continue to repeat. Human Beings are constantly attempting to deal with the original hurt. I believe patterns are the basis of all the difficulties and problems we experience through our life's journey. Co-counselling offers the opportunity of dealing with the origins of these patterns and so heal the distress.
Another way of describing an experience that restimulates is to say that a 'button has been pushed'. Anne Dickson uses the phrase 'crumple buttons' which I think aptly describes the event.
Harvey Jackins stresses the importance of remembering that "The Human Being as a Human Being is integral, is wholesome, is good. The pattern may be of infinite variety including some pseudo-survival varieties, but the Human Being as distinct from the pattern is one-piece, is consistent, is wholesome, is good." As he then states - "is completely 'upward trend"'.
Furthermore, you are as intelligent as you have needed to be to arrive at today's date. Worth celebrating?
Let us now examine how it is that stress is not released but stored within us ..............
How shall the humans of the future live?
Without distress, in love and zest and peace?
Of course they will, but mystical good-will
Is not enough. We have a lot to learn
Of practical details. We must divide
The work between us in rewarding ways,
Allow, encourage growth in everyone,
Yet know the wishful fancy from the fact
Not won to yet. No one shall be oppressed
Nor be imposed on, yet shall all contribute,
And workability shall bring accomplishment.
The techniques of community we fashion
May guide the great Community to come.
Harvey Jackins (To "Guidelines")
Intellectual prowess is highly praised and regarded. Those with academic qualifications are often highly regarded and are better paid than those in less academic jobs e.g. Lawyers, Doctors, and other professional persons are paid more than manual workers, so there is an hierarchical order of esteem and remuneration. Attention would therefore appear to be being given to 'brain' accomplishments.
Sports accomplishments are also highly regarded because Physical fitness is becoming increasingly recognised as being important to our well being. Opportunities to attend health clubs and 'keep fit' classes are growing, based on the recognition that to keep fit we must have regular exercise. Eating habits are shifting from meat and animal fat to vegetarian and vegetable fat. The eating of wholefoods and the elimination of harmful additives and preservatives from our diet is a growing acceptability.
Smoking is now recognised as harmful and is increasingly being banned from public places and becoming an unsociable habit.
Emotional needs are not generally addressed. The prevailing societal attitude says something to the effect that:-
"Our emotions are what we are born with and we are stuck with them. As a result of this, the way we behave and our personalities are things which cannot be changed."
Let us look more closely at these 'Non-Cathartic beliefs'.
As infants, we instinctively know the natural way to express ourselves. When uncomfortable, angry, or hurt-., we scream/cry; when frightened we shake; when happy we laugh. These 'expressions', to some extent, are tolerated as being 'baby' ways of behaving. During childhood we receive "messages" such as 'big boys don't cry', 'control yourself', 'pull yourself together', from the adults around us. Even laughter, if considered to be 'too much', is discouraged in some ways. "Watch out - it will all end in tears". The implication here being that the discharge of emotions through tears, or angry storming or shaking is not O.K.
Jackins suggests that hidden underneath these "messages" is a statement about the parent him/her-self. This contains both a misunderstanding and an emotional component.
Firstly, there is, a fundamental misunderstanding about what discharge means. Tears are usually taken to mean grief, trembling taken to mean anger. So the belief is that when these emotional reactions are stopped, then the grief or anger or fear is no longer present in the person.
Jackins' point is that this is fundamentally a backward thinking process since tears indicate the freeing of the emotion not the creation of it. Crying etc:, never occurs unless a person needs to do it. Tears need to be inside in the first place for them to be able to come out.
Secondly, parents may have a need to stop their child crying because this is re--stimulating their own locked in but undischarged emotion. This creates uncomfortable feelings so "there, there'' and "don't cry" are attempts frequently used by parents to stop their child crying, whilst at the same time patting and stroking the child. Once a child is quiet then the parent feels better. Where a child fails to respond, the patting in extreme cases may become beating.
These messages to the growing child and to other adults are really statements about the internal state and understanding of the parent. Gradually we learn as children, that it is not O.K. to express what we feel. Thus, from an early age, we learn to bottle up our feelings, stuff them down and put a 'cork in the bottle'. We learn that the desired state in which to conduct our lives and behave toward other people, is to be "in control".
It is indisputable that to be in control is a desirable state, but again there are some fundamental errors of understanding both about what being in control actually means and also how to achieve it. To be in control means that a person's reaction to whatever is going on around them is one of logic and understanding, and where emotions are experienced they are not overwhelming.
Conversely a person who is 'out of control' says and does things which they may later regret or have some confusion about. Remarks such as 'I don't know what came over me', or II just went berserk for no apparent reason', can often be heard the 'last straw' syndrome. An analogy that is particularly useful here is a kettle, which when switched on gradually builds up steam underneath the lid until it is forced up to let the steam escape. The build up of stress in the body is very like this and the experience of a person 'blowing their top' is also familiar - we even use this expression.
The more we attempt to keep the lid on a boiling kettle the greater the build up and eventual 'blow out'. In attempting to push down our emotional feelings we are also using up a lot of energy to achieve this, energy that we could usefully use to function in a fulfilled way going about our daily business. This misuse of energy to keep our emotions down can so drain a person that they have very little energy for anything else. They can literally become 'depressed' - a well recognised emotional state.
In order to become more in control it is necessary to let the stress out a little at a time, rather like draining a tea urn by turning the tap on for a short while and looking at what comes out. This has a double effect. Firstly it allows us to deal with manageable quantities of distress, and secondly, since we are all subject to stress around us in our everyday lives, space is created for this other stress to enter and not create a 'blow out' situation. The greater the space created through discharge, the greater the amount of stress which can be experienced without being out of control any more. Releasing distress is called catharsis.
In our society catharsis is recognised and accepted as appropriate in some limited forms i.e. crying when watching a sad film or play, weeping in the comfort and privacy of the home with ones closest family members, who accept this; crying in response to the sound of beautiful music or the sheer beauty of the countryside; prayer and church services can also have an acceptable cathartic response, otherwise it is not O.K. to cry. It is not even acceptable to cry at the loss of a loved one after a 'reasonable' time lapse -- "He or she should have got over it by now."
Laughter is the cathartic response which is most acceptable in our society since it is seen to be a positive emotion. However, since this tends to mobilise the body's energy, it is not unusual for laughter to open tip 'blockages' of the deeper layers of distress and for tears to emerge; hence the warnings about 'laughing too much'.
Let us now look at what the discharge process is.
Theory of Discharge
According to the theory of co-counselling so far as it exists, there
would appear to be a real necessity to ensure that stress is not
sustained within the body if maximum physical and mental well being
are to be maintained. According to Harvey Jackins "it is possible
to completely discharge any distress and therefore one's occluded
abilities and capacities can be completely recovered" (Jackins
1965).
Co-counselling addresses the opening up and dispersal of distress through the progressive unfolding of associations and imagery within the client's psyche. The discharge of distress can take many forms outside co-counselling techniques and it is useful to recognise that these are also helpful. Examples include physical sport, yoga, dancing, physical pressure on the body's tense muscles and vigorous movements by the client to mobilise the body's energy, as in massage and bioenergetics.
There is a strong link between the body and the mind. A healthy body can assist a healthy mind and vice versa, so caring for ourselves as total physical and emotional beings is important for achieving a 'wholeness'.
As we have seen, human beings are equipped with the inherent ability to discharge their distress. As "little people" we cry when we are upset, rage when angry, and shake with fear. If the emotion has been allowed to 'run off' through discharge then no evidence of the 'hurt' will remain. An example of this can be experienced by observing children who are allowed to cry until there are no more tears. They will suddenly stop crying, look up with their 'attention out', jump down from the parent's knee and carry on playing as if nothing untoward had ever happened, now free from distress.
Most of us have missed out on being allowed to discharge our feelings in this way as we have grown older. Although our intelligence and physical states have been affected, it is important to know that it is possible to work towards a healthier existence by discharging our past distress experiences, however long ago a traumatic event took place. When stress is released through catharsis, a healing process takes place.
We are born with a clear blueprint with normal connections in our intelligence. This then becomes distorted and occluded through being hurt. In order to survive, we attempt, as far as we are able, to make sense of our world - to make some order out of the chaos we are experiencing. In these distressed states we are in danger of making distorted decisions about ourselves and about the world. Consequently, as adults, those early decisions and formulated beliefs which we repeat in our every day life can be inappropriate and have no useful purpose any more. In fact, these early decisions based on limited knowledge can become disabling.
Discharging the early distress aids the healing of these previously distorted ways of thinking, by clearing our minds of the stress clutter and allowing us to function more intelligently. This healing process manifests itself in any one or more of the following forms:
Co-counselling theory therefore accepts the notion that discharge can clear the past distress experience, free the intellectual mind from the stress bondage and allow the human being to increasingly have access to their full potential. The process of learning how to discharge is an educative one and the techniques in co-counselling teach this as being a very natural way of behaving. There are usually some concerns expressed at a Fundamentals course about this process. Examples of these concerns are given below, together with my responses.
Remember, crying or shaking or trembling frees the distress from the body; a tear shed is one less tear to hold down. Also, crying or shaking or trembling have a natural end, if the person is allowed to carry on until finished. This is how we self-regulate.
Furthermore we have all learned very well how to control our emotions. We do it all the time, so the skill of being in control is one which is known and practiced very successfully, and can be applied at any time. Right now, you the reader, unless you axe in a state of heightened emotional discharge are 'sitting' on all the emotions you have experienced and,not yet discharged. Remember that when you give yourself permission to let go of any emotional feeling then you will have less to 'keep down' than you are now managing. The difficulty I propose is not so much in 'how do I stop?', but 'how do I start?' because we have been 'stopping' all our lives.
Catharsis can also include experiencing physical pain - pain which has been locked into the body from the original emotional trauma. Stomach cramps, nausea and retching and other muscular tensions are the most usual.
A word here also about the result of deep catharsis work. When the body releases these deep emotional and/or physical traumas, there can be a period of reaction to this over the next few days. This reaction can be manifested as the symptoms of colds/flu with or without temperatures which I believe is a form of further discharge leading to an eventual healing and should be allowed to run its course. There may also be a very heightened awareness of another reality of power and of a heightened feeling and openness. These states may present a vision of how it might be to be completely clear of distress. Regular co- counselling can slowly progress to enable these developments to be more persistent, consistent and integrated.
According to Dr. William Frey (QED BBC1 March 1988) prolactin is released when the body is under stress. He has researched the difference between emotional and irritant tears. His findings show that the lachrymal glands are like breast tissue and the hormone ACTH is linked with the amount of prolactin in the body when under stress. We literally wash away our stress when we cry. He also believes that weeping staves off stress linked diseases, whereas unreleased stress can lead to subsequent disease which is the price we pay. This scientific explanation of the effect of crying is consistent with co-counselling theory, according to Harvey Jackins and John Heron.
To "All the time in the world"Sure, hurts will come, and oftener when we venture. The crucial option lies in how we meet them. Avoiding all the damage that we can, We face what did occur un-numbed, unflinching, Call loving, skilled awareness to our aid To feel and discharge all the recent blows Plus all the old ones that the new have rankled And, turning insight on the gaps thus opened, Reclaim vast areas of our lost potential.Harvey Jackins
3. Techniques
Re-Evaluation/Goal Setting/Celebration
The whole purpose of co-counselling is to re-evaluate and goal setAfter discharge and completion of unfinished business ...Counsellor interventions
Free you natural self! |
I therefore find it difficult to precisely define the word...
'RE-EVALUATION' in the context of co-counselling since the possibilities open to fully interpreting this word seem to rely on an 'understanding' of what this means. My understanding is as follows:-
'To ascertain again the amount of ('truth')
At this point I bring in other 'like' words, namely Re-examine, Re-establish, Re-fashion, and Re-decide. All seem to have a relevance. In order to more fully understand Re-evaluation, I have divided the analysis into two parts:
The following is my understanding of these conditions and their consequences:
Cathartic Release: the nature of catharsis has been dealt with in a previous section. It will suffice to remind the reader that the purpose of discharge is to clear away the distress of an early critical incident. Do not confuse the necessity to discharge emotion with the purpose of discharge which is to gain insight and be able to re-evaluate. The effect of catharsis is therefore to gain insight.
Insight: the mind is liberated through catharsis to make a truly discriminating appraisal of what was really going on in the early critical incident and in subsequent re-plays.
Understanding of old Patterned Behaviour: the person's intelligence previously occluded by inhibited emotional tension will be released. This enables them to see clearly what it was they needed at the time and how this need was interrupted and how the pain around this interruption has given rise to a set of elaborate past behaviours (patterns). Asking the client to say how the original hurt has effected their lives enables them to begin to formulate new behaviours in their current life.
Belief Formulation : seeing clearly what it was they needed, the person is now able to ascertain what it was they learnt to believe about themself and why. By understanding how the belief was formed and the inappropriateness of this in their current adult life the client is in a place to ascertain the 'real truth of their authentic self' and what they can now believe about themself.
Behavioural Re-decision: with their new understanding the client can begin to formulate the ways in which their behaviour can be freed from these now obsolete patterns. A new set of responses can be formulated, under-pinned by their new found belief.
(This is my explanation of the various stages in the process of re-evaluation within co-counselling. I am sure that outside of co-counselling alternative ways for changing inappropriate beliefs exist).
Celebration also becomes a growing theme in co-counselling
communities. Beginning with the notion at the end of each session
to opening and closing circles, where the positive celebration of
self and/or a specific aspect of another is invited. Group
exercises reinforce the right to celebrate the positive aspects of
ourselves. (see additional material)
Rules in Co-counselling
Co-counselling is 1:1. It is a reciprocal relationship. Golden Rules
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A considerable part of co-counselling training is devoted to the education of 'safe' ways to release anger, fear etc:, safe here being for both the client and counsellor. The fact that there are 'safe' ways available, without violence to others or destruction of property, does not in any way mitigate the effectiveness of the release of these emotions. In co-counselling we use cushions, mattresses or other soft, non-destructable items - never another human being or valued objects. Destructable items such as cardboard boxes, newspaper, can be used if some 'real' destruction needs to be seen or felt.
'humanitarian terms') assisting and being assisted to work -1 'through issues. Where there is unequal time it can be argued that here is an unequal ability-/power to give and be given to, which goes against the co-counselling principle of a peer and reciprocal relationship and can also have its basis in 'Patterned' behaviour.
At each co-counselling session, the person who is the client decides which contract they want to use. The counsellor accepts this decision and keeps to it throughout the time they are in the counsellor role.
It is an important concept of co-counselling that the client takes full responsibility, whilst working, for that session. The counsellor is there to support, and where a normal or intensive contract is requested, to draw attention to and make suggestions about the client's cues, using co-counselling techniques.
From the beginning of a Fundamentals course co-counsellors are encouraged to use the pronouns III, 'me' , 'mine', etc:, when talking about the self. It is more usual in our culture to use the words 'you', 'one', or 'we'. This in effect creates a dissociation from the self. The techniques of co-counselling aim to redress this and put ourselves in touch with our own feelings, actions and perceptions. Using III etc:, does this. It is also not possible to speak for another person either in perception or emotion. The use of 'you' is only advocated when addressing another person.
As a counsellor in a co-counselling session it is a fundamental condition that advice and judgements are not given. This is an enabling concept which allows the client to take responsibility for their self and to work at their own depth and pace. How and what the client works on is entirely up to them. The allotted time span (originally agreed by both parties) is to be used in any way by the client which does not violate any of the rules of co-counselling. The solution to a person's problems lies within their 'self'. The value of self-discovery cannot be over-emphasised, both in the solution being the best fit for the client concerned and by experiencing the joy of discovery.
Within this method is a self-commitment and motivation for the client to accept their own solution. Accepting another person's perceived solution is never the same and even if 'spot on' can carry with it an overload of parental or 'significant' others' input. Telling someone how to behave or to take some form of action is therefore avoided in co-counselling. Learning to accept (not necessarily like) another human being and their individual right to be who and what they are and to attach no conditions to this is also part of the philosophy of co-counselling. This underpins a large part of the techniques.
Secondly I minute each way on all the above but changing the "I have to" to "I choose to" - whether or not there is a feeling of choice e.g.
This exercise highlights the notion of 'self directed' behaviour as against 'other directed' behaviour.
Feelings of 'pressure' and possibly being stifled, can be experienced when we give our power away and allow others to determine how and what we should do or be. Understanding the principle of choice in our own lives is to introduce two major principles:-
These two principles acknowledge freely the interdependence of people with each other. This means that if a relationship is important or a job is important, introducing the element of choice in the maintenance of these important life states creates a different perspective, one that is less 'onerous', less 'pressurised'.
Let me propose that right now you are where you need to be. This is not to imply that you like how things are for you, only that you have set things up for yourself in order to learn something important. It is my belief that we give ourselves problems to work through. When this has been accomplished we move into a different arena where those previous problems do not exist since they are no longer necessary for our learning. We are now available to meet other problems.
Let us further take this notion that we are masters of our own Destiny. This argument begins with the proposal that Humans are a form of energy. Other animals and plants are also energy. We are all essentially composed of similar substances i.e. Carbon, Oxygen, Nitrogen etc:, in different proportions. All are energy. This being the case, whatever emanates from a human is also energy. So thought is a light form of energy and as such must make a journey. All creation begins with a dream. The chairs we sit on, the tables we eat from, all began as a dream in the mind of a human being. Dreams are thoughts.
I like to think of thoughts as strands of wires emanating from the brain and at the far end having a plug with which to find a socket. Thoughts make connections and contacts and have a bearing on the future state. How often have you heard people say - 'whatever I do seems to turn out wrong' and conversely the opposite. Those people are setting the scene for their future. "Say it and it will happen".
In the above two ways we create our own lives. This is both an empowering and responsible thought. (Interested readers may like to refer to Joseph Chiltern Pearce, The Bond of Power, Meditation and Wholeness, Chapter Three)
The gull sees farthest who flies highest
Jonathan Livingstone Seagull Richard Bach (1973) Pan Books Ltd
These are the three types of co-counselling contracts. A particular contract is always chosen by the client at the commencement of a session. Understanding these contracts enables both the client and counsellor to work together in a harmonious and enabling manner.
You get what you give
and giving is
Learning to give whether you get
anything back or not - otherwise you are trading
Free attention contract
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Free Attention is the first type of co-counselling contract. It is the only contract that the counsellor in any session is obliged to give. It is a very special kind of listening skill and to generally describe it I use the phrase 'being outwith'. This usage of the word 'outwith' is in a different context than commonly applied. To explain:-
The counsellor is 'out' of themselves and 'with' the client. 'Out' here meaning free from their own emotional response to the client's material.
Conversely, a counsellor who is not 'out' of themselves
will be connecting with their own material and reacting emotionally
in some way to the client. This reaction can range from being very
restimulated and experiencing their own grief, sadness etc: which
may prevent their continuation as counsellor - to an enthusiastic
encouragement to the client to try a technique because 'all will
become clear' for the client. These behaviours are indicative that
the counsellor is not totally 'with' the client.
'With' means being able to achieve a deeper and broader
picture of the client's material, and also the ability to
objectively pick up the cues which the client gives.
Learning to be 'out' of ones emotions as a counsellor is a gradual process which begins with the acceptance of the conscious concept of being 'outwith'. By setting this as a desirable goal and continuing to work on ones own material as client, enables the counsellor to become free of as much restimulation as is possible.
In giving free attention, it is necessary to support the client with gentle eye contact, ie. one that does not intrude or at worst,,distract the client. It is a way of showing the client that as counsellor you are there, accepting him/her non-judgementally and with positive regard, as a person in their own right. This is a most enabling experience for helping the client to feel safe and one which will aid the client for working on distressing material.
This can be both enabling and restricting depending on how it is used, and the historical experience of the client.
A (smothering type of embrace is probably more to do with the need/perception of the giver. In order to give added support to a distressed client, a gentle touching of the hand/foot, which in effect says "I'm with you whilst you work through this material"., is likely to be most helpful. If a client needs more, then s/he is at liberty to ask. Gentle holding while the client discharges can be very enabling. However, a word of warning here. It is possible that some clients may find even a gentle touch sufficient to stop them discharging emotion. The reason can be explained by previous conditioning processes when, as a child, the distressed adults around have held (down) and patted (down) the child with the verbal or non-verbal messages "there., there, don't cry" (because if you cry that puts me in touch with my own distress and I can't bear it).
The process of accepting and not becoming distressed by a client's discharge when being counsellor is learnt through experiencing the process as client. A counsellor is largely as effective as s/he is effective as client.
The contract of free attention is a silent one. This gives the client free reign to explore their own issues without any interruptions. "THE SOLUTIONS TO ALL OUR PROBLEMS LIE WITHIN US". The client, thus enabled, can make an uninterrupted journey of exploration. Freedom to explore out own problems in this way is very rarely experienced. Usually others are only too eager to offer their advice and help which leads on to a further condition of free attention.
A counsellor giving either of these is in effect imposing their own perspective about the situation. This is likely to be the result of their own life experience of a similar situation. However, it is never possible to really know how it is for another person'. and as a result of this the solution offered is unlikely to be useful. Even worse, it can hinder the client in finding the best solution to their problems for their self. Since the client is the only one in this scenario who knows all the variables - his/her own feelings and belief systems - then logically it is the client who, given time, is the only person to be able to come up with the solution that 'fits best' into their life. Getting to the solution oneself, understanding the situation in a different light is a most rewarding experience. Being told, is not the same thing at all and can remove the joy and subsequent commitment to dealing with the problem. It is not uncommon to hear of a parent who complains that s/he has told little Johnny time and time again not to do this or that. My response is that s/he can continue to 'toll little Johnny' a thousand and one times more and still. not achieve any change. Understanding through arriving at the solution oneself is more likely to lead to a commitment and fulfillment.
There are also other important underlying messages when giving unsolicited advice and it goes something like this:- "I can see your problem clearer than you" or "you need me to sort your problem out" or "you cannot sort out your problems yourself" or "you are stupid - can't you see....... 11 etc:, etc:, which is implicitly informing the client that s/he is no good/of no use/has no ability to cope etc:, etc:.This is a 'big number' to lay on another person, and again it is more likely to be the counsellor's/advice giver's 'material' of needing to be needed/regarded etc:.
Free Attention is not easy. All the techniques in co-counselling, whilst simple, require a degree of skill rather like learning to ride a bike. Once all the separate skills have been put together then the operation becomes smoother and easier.
Remember, co-counselling is never a conversation. In addition,experiencing the giving of Free Attention enables the counsellor to learn important principles prior to using all other techniques in co-counselling.
As a counsellor with full attention 'out' and 'with' the client, there is much to notice - body posture, movements, words used, tone of voice and eye movements. In being totally aware of these by being 'out', it is possible for the counsellor to be much more 'with' the client. A useful goal to aim for in noticing what the client is doing etc:, is to be only a 'second' behind in this process. Practising this skill of being a 'second' behind what the client is expressing, will enable the counsellor to increasingly be alert to clues the client is giving. Free attention is the foundation for this skill.
Other counselling techniques (not co-counselling) describe listening skills as active listening. This is a method where y a counsellor checks with the client about the problem in order for the counsellor to fully understand. This is not a technique used in co-counselling.
Furthermore, a question to the client asking about something they have said, maybe to do with the questioner (counsellor) wanting to know, could be an intrusion into client time. Such questioning may direct where the client goes in his/her journey and this pathway may not be, appropriate or necessary to the client. In effect, it can interrupt the client's own journey and become counsellor directed rather than client directed. (All interventions taught in co-counselling are aimed at facilitating the client to maintain their own journey. The concept and practice of free attention is the first most vital and enabling component in this process prior to interventions being taught and practised).
Understanding in the co-counselling sense is to be aware of all
the ways in which the client is expressing themselves. It is
therefore possible to give free attention to another person who
speaks a foreign language and for this to be totally enabling for
the client.
Coming Back After a Session
Coming Back After a SessionPresent time or attention switching techniques to aid the client's return to the 'here and now'
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Knowing how to come back to 'here and now' awareness at the end of a session is a bit like learning how to stop a car prior to first learning to drive. It is in a sense a real safety net/life line which allows deep feelings to be explored.
At the end of your client's session always use these techniques to bring your client back into 'present time'. it is a method which draws attention away from the past 'hurt material'. Distracting the client through observation of their surroundings or being physically involved in an activity, all help the client to 'leave' the material. In my view it is more of a counsellor led activity to ensure the client is fully present in the 'here and now' before switching roles or returning home.
N.B. Please note that this technique is necessary even
when a Free Attention contract has been agreed. Coming Back occurs
after the session work has been completed.
Normal Contract
Normal contractNB all interventions are suggestions of a procedural nature only
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This is the second type of contract available and heralds all the techniques that follow. The counsellor in fulfilling this contract for the client draws attention to those clues the client is missing - verbally or non-verbally in ways defined later on in this manual, when the client appears to have lost their way, to be blocking, to be in pattern or to be missing their own cues.
NB: These interventions are always aimed at facilitating the client to maintain their own journey and to find their own solutions. When learning the co-counselling interventions it is useful to remember that as counsellor you can only make a tentative mental guess about what is going on for the client. The interventions therefore need to be in the form of suggestions i.e. reminders of a potentially useful way of working in the session. Remember:-
Confidence in suggesting any of the following techniques to a client in a co-counselling session is gained through experiencing them as client. One rule that I find generates safety is: - I never ask my client to go where I have never been myself.
Implicit in a co-counselling contract is the acceptance by both parties that the client is in charge. It is therefore
irrelevant when making suggestions to ask them if they want to do this or that, since the client can always refuse. Making
direct suggestions such as 'do/say that again - louder', will serve to move the client on unless they decide otherwise. Deciding whether they will or not is to add another irrelevant dimension to their implicit willingness to work, since they have already requested a session and decided on the type of contract. Finally, in facilitating this type of contract, the counsellor never has any certain knowledge about what is going on for the client or what the client needs. The only things to go on are the cues given by the client, who will, to a greater or lesser extent, lay out his/her stall in front of you. As a counsellor it is important to remember that all interventions will not elicit a response or even be 'appropriate' for the client. Keep trying things out, be flexible and open to what is going on for the client. Let go of suggestions that do not work - give them away freely; go with those that seem meaningful to the client.
"And if anyone knows anything about anything", said Bear to himself, "its owl who knows something about something," he said, "or my name's not Winnie the Pooh" he said. "Which it is" he added. "So there you are."
"The Tao of Pooh" - Benjamin Hoff 1982 Methuen Children's Books
A client, making a journey in a session, is likely to have other thoughts which emerge from the unconscious mind and seemingly flutter across their conscious mind. These thoughts are a bit like butterflies flying past. An invitation from the counsellor (who has noticed this happening) to 'catch hold' of one of these thoughts in order to examine it, can lead to deeper material. Counsellor intervention "What's the thought?", "Thought?"
When a person looks up they are 'seeing' images either constructed (ie. future or how things could be) or remembered (a past event). When remembering what has been said in the past, the eyes will move sideways and when feelings are being expressed then usually in a right handed person the eyes will look downwards and to the right (left handed people to the left). This, according to Bandler and Grinder, is a demonstration of how we access stored material and the sequences of eye movements demonstrate how we organise our thinking and feeling processes in response to events being talked about.
In order to pick up the client's fleeting thoughts it is necessary to notice their eye movements. When a person looks upwards while speaking it is likely to assume they are 'seeing' pictures of an event - in other words a thought has popped in. This looking up may be to the right or left or even shift from one to the other. The intervention 'what's the thought?' or 'thought?' will be sufficient for the client to recognise that they have had a thought and to make the choice of working on it or not.
My experience of working on these subconscious thoughts is that whilst they may at first glance appear to be totally irrelevant to the subject being worked on, in some way they do have a real significance when explored. Quite often this is a way into emotions and past associations. The reason for this is not hard to understand. As human beings we are constantly giving messages/clues to the world at large. To use another analogy displaying 'tips of icebergs' about our subconscious feelings and beliefs. To identify the tip and to explore it can lead to larger, hidden parts of ourselves, the deeper larger part of the iceberg lying below the surface. As with all the techniques, this is a way in to these unconscious 'hidden' depths. An experienced client will become more and more accustomed to recognising these thoughts popping up and will be able to hone in on them (without prompting) saying "The thought is........... It
There is a commonly held mis-conceived notion which states that a person who "doesn't look you straight in the eyes when talking to you" is not to be trusted. This is going against the natural accessing process which is necessary to use when talking, because when recalling incidents it is natural to use our eyes to follow our internal ways of recalling what we have seen, heard and felt, and our eyes move appropriately to do this. To impose a 'fixed' look ahead is to prevent the speaker recalling the events accurately and incidentally is more likely to result in a 'mis- statement'. Therefore to order a child to "look at me when you speak to me!" is a totally unnatural and inappropriate command for the child to follow. (Bandler and Grinder 1979).Similarly the client in co-counselling, who is naturally more likely to look around whilst speaking, cannot continuously look directly at the counsellor. At the same time the counsellor, who is not accessing internal thoughts and feelings, can maintain gentle eye contact with the client.
When a client suddenly moves his/her body while talking, this is also an indication of an energy charge moving through the body, stemming from a thought that has just occurred (another indication that thought is energy). Attention can be drawn to this with the same phrase 'What's the thought?'.
Literal description
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The client is invited to describe the relevant events which may have occurred either recently or way back in time, as if they are really happening now. The client is therefore encouraged to use the present tense for describing what they can see, what they can hear, smell, touch etc:, and then the emotions associated with an event are more likely to be re-experienced. This time however, there is a difference. By experiencing these emotions again (and remember, - if they were not in us already, we could not experience them) they can now be experienced in a way that was not possible at the original incident by:
In working through the emotion of a past event, the client gains insight about what was really going on for them, and also for the significant other people in the same scenario. Finding his/her own power to now deal with the situation in a new way is an enabling process. This dealing with the 'unfinished business' of the past aids in the healing process, because having dealt with the problem, the burden is not carried around anymore. The client is freed from any 'oppression' of the original event. Energy is released for daily living and insight of the self-worth of the client is realised. Life can then be viewed from a different perspective.
In using co-counselling to deal with our past hurts I use the analogy of dismantling a log fire. We first take off the top logs to begin with - those that can more easily be removed and then we are able to work around to the deeper larger ones. Co-
counselling does not mean doing it all at once - you decide.
In order to dip back into the past, it is necessary to keep what is known as a 'balance of attention'. This is where the 'adult' client allows their self to reach down and back in time to the unexpressed feelings of the 'child' within whilst at the same time keeping part of their awareness in the 'here and now'. By being aware of the 'here and now' and at the same time allowing their 'past child' to scream/shout/sob/shake etc,:,the locked in emotion can be safely and fully discharged. An imbalance occurs when the client is so swamped in t e r material that no attention is in the present. The client experiences a state of 'wallowing in the mire'. This can lead to a reinforcement of the past material. This state is also one in which the client is dis-identified with their original setting so that no real experiencing or learning can take place nor insight occur.
As counsellor you will become increasingly aware of when this
might be happening. A way to redress this imbalance is to invite
the client to give you eye contact for a brief moment. "Can you
look at me?" This will not affect the flow of the work but will aid
the 'adult' in the client to balance with the 'child' material.
Becoming practised in this technique- of maintaining a balance of
attention leads to the ability to work on deeply repressive
material.
Repetition/Exaggeration Contradiction
Repetition, Exaggeration, Contradiction
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These three connected techniques can be applied to the verbal and non-verbal cues of the client.
Asking the client to repeat an emotionally charged statement/phrase will usually access the hidden emotion. As counsellor, encourage the client to stay with the repetition of words or body movements, especially when discharge is taking place, until all the emotion is spent, and the client moves on of his/her own free will.
Where a client is mechanically repeating a phrase or movement, it can be useful to ask them to exaggerate by saying the phrase louder or making the movement stronger and putting more energy into it. The effect of this is to access the body energy, creating an arousal state which allows the emotions to emerge.
Another way of working with exaggeration is to encourage the client to go with the patterned feeling or body posture. By exaggerating this for as long as is necessary, it will serve to help the client to eventually let go. By going with it totally - the negatives become 'spent' and the client can begin to free themselves of restrictive and incongruent behaviour patterns. Working with Exaggeration and, Repetition allows a client to express in an 'uncensored fashion', all negative thoughts and judgements about someone or a situation they are working on in a session.
Here the client is encouraged to use 'going against statements'. This is likely to intensify distress and produce discharge - initially laughter. The client does not have to believe the contradictions while they are saying them, just use them as leverage to begin to experience the feelings. Clients are encouraged to find contradictions to the uncensored negatives they say.
Especially useful if "stuck" or the negative statements are said as if true or without feeling. This removal of the client's 'qualifications' applies equally to the non-verbals.
Example - 'I love being here' - said at the same time as a leg is kicking out (A mismatch of words and body messages). Contradicting the statement and exaggerating the contradiction at the same time allows the relief of stored tension.
Resistance to discharge has been taught to us from an early age. People vary in their control patterns - some are able to release emotions easily, whilst others remain calm and controlled - compulsively holding in discharge under conditions of tension. Observing these, according to Jackins, is to take notice of things you observe the client doing in the present. By contradicting these, the rigidity is disturbed. So, if a client is talking rapidly - request a slow repetition of one thought repeatedly. The fast talking control will be interrupted and discharge is likely to occur. A client who is holding their body tightly - arms and legs crossed - when contradicted, by uncrossing and opening the arms and legs,can result in discharge. Similarly a 'cool' controlled person can be asked to act in a jittery way etc:.
When' a client is invalidating him/herself, help them to contradict the pattern by asking them to say 'I am the most handsome, smartest and tidiest hero in the world', or 'I am the most loving, open, beautiful and intelligent woman in the world'.
These contradictions are best said with as much energy as possible - saying them loudly and confidently and allowing discharge to occur,then making another effort to say them loudly, and so on. Making these statements while standing up assists the reduction of restricted bodily control patterns.
Ask the client to try using a specific phrase. If distress feelings get stronger it is a contradiction and will take the client into catharsis. If the client starts to feel better, the phrase is a validation and will bring the client out of catharsis. This makes a good basis for celebration. Experiencing this as client will show you how useful - or not this technique is.
Identity CheckThese can always be used when you find yourself inexplicably drawn to someone, as well as if you find there is something negative going on.Counsellor interventions
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This technique is ideally used when co-counselling with a new partner. The reason is to clear away any connections with past acquaintances.
During our lives we meet many situations and make many associations. This is a useful way of operating since it allows us to connect one set of principles to others that are similar. For example, a child learns that a door knob will open a door. The child remembers this when confronted with other doors having knobs/handles. A human being would make very little progress without this ability to use one experience and by generalising, apply it to other experiences. However, this attribute can work against us and nowhere more markedly than with people. The phrases "Oh I know your sort", or "I just hate people with red hair", are familiar to us. What has occurred is a negative response to a previous acquaintance in a person's life and this negative response is being 'dumped' on a 'here and now' person who in some way resembles the previous acquaintance. This process of generalisation, when applied to another person, who may in some way look or seem like the previous acquaintance, is inappropriate. The similarity is likely to be related to the way a person sounds/looks/does their hair/shape of face or the name they are called by nothing to do with how they really are as a human being.
Our previous experiences may equally have been 'good' or 'bad' and if we carry either of these feelings around and 'dump' them on another person we have Just met, it is illogical and inappropriate. More often than not, we are totally unaware that we are 'dumping'. What happens is that we are inexplicably drawn to, or have a repellent reaction to a person, on or very soon after first meeting/seeing them. There is no way that a person can be 'summed up' so quickly. It is much more likely to be tied in with a previous experience.
Where one previous experience has been good', then it is possible
for 'unrealistic expectations' for warmth and support to be
forthcoming, and eventual surprise and disappointment when this does
not happen. This is likely to end up in resentment and statements
such as 's/he really let me down', 'when I really got to know
him/her they really showed their true colours', will be made. The
recipient of the initial warm and friendly emotions is also likely
to be confused and wonder what is expected of them. This confusion
will turn to bewilderment when they are eventually shunned because
they have not "come up with the goodies". Similarly, if a previous
experience with another person has been 'bad', then avoidance of
similar people may take place and all kinds of angry, resentful
feelings are likely to be spilling out, either verbally or
non-verbally. Any current person does not deserve the undischarged
negative emotions being laid on them which are to to do with the
unfinished business of a previous experience. As a co-counsellor,
it is important to clear these other 'past people' from the scene,
so that they do not get in the way of working with a new partner.
The set of phrases used will enable both parties to work on and
'clear' these 'ghosts' from the past allowing each co-counsellor to
address each other more clearly. Another useful way to use the
Identity Check technique is to ask the counsellor to stand in for
the person I have issues about in my every day life i.e. If I have
an issue around my boss I ask my counsellor to represent my boss and
ask me the sequence of I.D. check questions. This enables me to
identify who the boss reminds me of, clear any unfinished business,
acknowledge the boss for whom s/he is and acknowledge the counsellor
for whom s/he is. It is important to de-role the boss as reminded
person and the counsellor as my stand-in boss.
What's on Top?
'What's on top?' literally means what is foremost in conscious thought for the client - and an invitation for the client to articulate this without necessarily making sense or censoring. This is useful as a start to a session, especially when the client is not consciously aware of any particular 'problem' or issue they need to work on. By giving free reign to thoughts, the subconscious is given the opportunity to emerge. Evidence of this will be through words used or other thoughts and associations or some body movement indicating there is a charge of energy. Counsellor interventions which draw attention to the verbal and non--verbal clues that the client may be missing, will move the client towards emerging material.
There are no other interventions specific to this technique. However, the following are useful 'moving on' techniques to use when the client is generalising.
Where a client is making a quantum leap in cause and effect
When a client is talking about a problem, ask them to
The counsellor can suggest,if appropriate
Other techniques and interventions can be used as and when a client requests or a counsellor senses it is appropriate to the client's material.
"He that leaveth nothing to chance will do few things ill, but he will do very few things."
Charles Baudelaire
Work with cushions
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This essentially Gestalt method of working, uses a cushion as a symbol. This means that the cushion can be used to represent another person, a feeling, behaviour or part of the client. By placing a cushion near the client s/he can talk to the person as if they are really there. Using the cushion as a means to talk to a part of their self enables the client to dissociate themself from an internal emotion or part. Placing the emotional part of their self in front allows feelings to be explored and expressed. This is a very effective method of dealing with as many internal parts or feelings as the client is experiencing problems with. Cushions of differing shapes, sizes or colours can be used to represent these different parts. Using the cushion symbolically as another person enables the client to more easily verbalise what they are not able to say to the real person. The counsellor can suggest at this point that the client switches cushions and 'experience the reaction' of receiving the client's message.
It is important as the client, to address the cushion as 'you' - this gets in touch with the held in statements and feelings that need to be said, explored or given vent to. The cushion can be the safe recipient of verbal and non- verbal discharge of emotion. By sitting on the cushion and becoming the other person or part and explaining to the 'client' how things are from a different viewpoint, enables insight to emerge. Also questions which ask 'why' from the client to the cushion, are a cue to switch cushions and take on the role of the other person or part and talk back to his/her 'client' expressing the imagined feelings bottled up. Switching over continues whenever a question is asked or an explanation is given - this allows the client to explore the issue fully until resolved. Speaking as if the other person can lead to some surprises.
Using the cushion is a safe way to fully discharge anger towards another person. Co-counselling parents have ample opportunities to symbolically 'murder' or 'bash' their children and release their anger safely on the cushion. As a result of thus discharging their anger parents can interact with their offspring in a clear and positive way.
NB: Experienced clients will increasingly recognise their need to talk to 'cushions' and will initiate this technique for themselves. Switching cushions becomes a natural process until a solution is arrived at.
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts...
William Shakespeare As You Like It, Act 3 Scene 2
Role play
Reverse Role playSwitch roles. (Client and counsellor change cushions.)Client becomes oppressor. Counsellor "speaks" as client. NB Counsellor can voice what the client is not saying |
Role play outside co-counselling involves the client and other group characters to be given a brief set by the group facilitator. All of these characters therefore require 'acting a part' other than themselves.
Another form of role play can be seen in Psychodrama where the client is being themself and using other group members to become the characters of their past history to enable the client to work. These other characters can invent their own imagined response whilst in 'role'.
In co-counselling role-play,the counsellor does not invent the words of the client's oppressor but maintains the set words/phrase for as long as the client requests or material comes up. It is not unusual for the client to change the words several times before arriving at those which have the most emotive response for him/her. The client may also wish the words to be said in a particular way and the counsellor needs to be sensitive to these requests. The counsellor can suggest or the client can initiate a Role Play technique.
Bringing in the cushion to allow the client to 'speak' to the oppressor, requires the counsellor to notice the appropriate moment for this to take place. once material has been accessed by the client, it is useful for the counsellor to slip out of the oppressor role and become the supportive counsellor again. A statement to clarify any change can be made - ie."Shall I be counsellor now?" or "I'm counsellor again", when the role play technique has served its purpose for the client.
Inventions from other people can detract from the !reality' for the client, which is one reason for conventional role play not being used in co-counselling. Another reason is that 'role e players' can become 'hooked' into the role and deny the human response, whatever the client comes up with. This can result in an impasse situation. Co- counselling is all about our own real life drama with the client both directing and acting out the situation.
Psychodrama is nearer to co-counselling role play because the client is playing themself. Both Role Play and Literal Description technique are a form of Psychodrama. Role Play can also be used for the,,client to work through a negative belief. Here the client directs the counsellor to repeatedly say a phrase that the client believes about themself:- 'You're no good', 'You have to be perfect', 'You never get anything right', etc:, etc:. Initially, the client may have no idea 'who' is saying this, but once this has been identified the cushion can be brought in for the client to continue working with their oppressor and the counsellor to be in the supportive role.
Behind this technique is the
